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April 19th, 2008

04:19 pm - Hey.
I'm new here and am just looking for support.  I have really bad OCD:  Hand washing, checking, ordering, counting, fear of germs.  Lots of other things as well.  I'm   16 and have had OCD for a very long time.  It wasn't always as severe as it is now.  A lot of kids in my school have found out about my disorder and tease me about it.  

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January 28th, 2008

09:45 pm - Newbie

well i am no stranger to OCD, i've had it since 7, properly diagnosed at 12 and given ever SSRI known to mankind or so it appears at times. as i got older help got shittier or non-existant. i'm a difficult case as in addition to OCD i also appear to have traits that fill but not fully a broad spectrum of other psychiatric conditions so most doctors won't touch me with a 50 foot pole. fuckers.

the OCD thing however is getting worse and coupled with my panic disorder it makes for a lovely evening :P totally ruining relationships with family and friends due to my constantly being in and out of the ER for going completely psychotic over reactions to things.

currently on a slew of meds including clonazepam/klonopin, adderall, seroquel and wellbutrin. the only ones that really work are the benzo and the adderall which at least helps some of the noise in my head stop and lets me feel alive, and the clonazepam usually makes me too spaced out to care that i'm worrying myself sick.

i wish i could say that i'm going to have a happy ending but at this stage of the game (i'm 28) it doesn't look promising. I have a degree in medical anthropology, speciliazing in forensics and epidimiology, i graduated in the top 10 percentile of my university class...but right now i work partime in retail as its the only job that allows me the flexibility to see a therapist lest i self destruct which happens often enough when the stress of everything gets to be too much.

i hate how this disease keeps mutating on me. JUST when i think things are under control WHAM  something new comes along.

i have i suppose a form of BDD but its most probably just amplified OCD symptoms but regardess my life, is generally not fun.

in addition I have developed so they think crohn's disease which makes me sick AND crazy.

anyways. just felt like venting.

thanks for listening!


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November 28th, 2007

01:47 am
 Hi my name is Brandy. I'm new to this online journaling things so please forgive me while I get the hang of it. Besides being diagnosed 7 years ago with Bipolar Disorder, 2 years ago I was diagnosed with OCD. Though I have suffered with it for as long as I can remember. 

    I have an obssession with death and dying. I have daily thoughts that I or someone I know is going to die horribly in some way. My thoughts are very graphic and there was a time in my life that I could not distinguish thought from reality and sometimes I would actually think that something happened to someone I know and I would freak out. I continually tell people not to do things because I think they might get hurt. This really effects my children even though they know why I do it they still get mad when I wont let them do something that "I think" might hurt them. I have recently in the past 2 years developed a fear of riding in a car with people because I have convinced myself that they are going to kill us...
    I also have daily thoughts of specifically spraining my ankles or breaking them.  I sometimes can't walk for several minutes until I can convince myself that I am not going to do it. I avoid grass when ever possible for fear that I might step in a hole. I know it's ridiculous and that makes it even worse. Knowing and not being able to control yourself.
    I also clean my house like a meth addict. Once I start, I can't stop. I clean my house on and off the whole time I'm at home. I hardly ever sit more then 15 to 20 minutes. My family has to say something to me for me to even notice that I've been doing it. I brush my teeth on and off all day and sometimes 10 times in a row. I have a fear of bad breath. I over organize and have to put things in a certain order mostly tallest to shortest . I check the stove several times to see if I have turned the burners off because I'm afraid I'll burn the house down. I check the lock on the front door several times to make sure I have it locked  it securely. 
   I also have a sexual addiction. I am constantly thinking about it and when I can acting on it. I'm not promiscuous though because I am married. I am one of those people who turn everything someone says into something sexual. This is something that embarrasses me but I have very low impulse control when I speak mostly. It's so weird because one minute I'm thinking about death and the next I'm thinking about sex. These two things definitly interfer with my daily living.
   Well now I have written a novel and I apologize for that but it's just nice to know I'm not alone with the demons in my head. It's lonely and no one I know truely understands what I go through everyday besides my husband and even he can't comfort me always because he has never fought those demons himself.  Thanks ...........B

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November 26th, 2007

02:01 pm - I can hear you calling...

I'm Ashlee. 21. From Western Australia.
I suffer an obsessive compulsive disorder called, "Trichotillomania"...

No doctor has looked at it, I just know I have the condition. I've had since year 9 in high school, over the last few years, it has become worse.
Lately, it's been getting better. I have been scratching less. Not to the point when I bleed..it never gets that bad.

I do it when I'm stressed, bored or suffering anxiety, I tend to scratch at this spot under my hair line. I can cover it up with my long hair.
Unfortunately, I tend to worry a lot when I'm stressed which further leads me to doing it.

There is no cure. Other then for me to notice when I am doing it and make myself not too.
I told my partner to tell me to stop scratching when he sees me do it and he does a good job at it. I don't know how he puts up with it. :\


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November 20th, 2007

10:10 pm
Hello! I see a couple of other people watching. :) I won't bite! Introduce yourselves!

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August 20th, 2007

05:33 pm
Naturally, as the mod, I should make the first post, shouldn't I?

This is mainly intended just as a place for people with moderate to severe OCD to get together and share notes -- trade stories, exchange tips on controlling impulses/ideas, and maybe just locate some understanding that's probably difficult to find otherwise. I'd appreciate it if everyone who joins makes an intro post, and tries to post now and again rather than just coasting, but I'll also post prompts and such every now and again to keep things relatively active. I can't do it all myself though, of course, so if you want one idea over everything else -- post! Contribute!

I'd also be quite interested in seeing art and other creative efforts, though please keep the 'experimental poetry' and the like to a minimum. ;p No offense meant, but if I wanted another community for amateur poetry I would have made one, and I'm afraid the community will become nothing but if I allow too much of that. That said, creative works in general are still welcome, but don't force me to change my position on that, because I will if I have to.

Now, to introduce myself -- I'm Red, I'm 22, I live in the SF Bay Area, and I have severe OCD. It's so bad I honestly didn't realise how much it dominates my life until I was diagnosed, and started to really think about it.

My most obvious OCD obsessions/compulsions tend to involve violent thoughts and images, and food- and drawing/creative-type compulsions. I absolutely cannot keep entirely still. If I focus on forcing my hands to keep still, my feet will start to move. Even if I exert all my focus and effort on just holding still, my muscles will begin to twitch every few seconds, absolutely uncontrollably. Not enough to keep me awake when I'm trying to go to sleep or anything, but in general, I *always* have to be in some kind of physical motion. I have trouble thinking when my hands aren't moving, and I have insane trouble eating or falling asleep if I don't have something to read.

I made this community because I went looking for an OCD community and couldn't find one that was specifically for people with OCD and also active. So let's fix that, eh? I hope this becomes a useful, welcoming place, especially for people who are struggling with acceptance and/or functioning in the non-electronic world. Welcome, and good luck!

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