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January 28th, 2008

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09:45 pm - Newbie

well i am no stranger to OCD, i've had it since 7, properly diagnosed at 12 and given ever SSRI known to mankind or so it appears at times. as i got older help got shittier or non-existant. i'm a difficult case as in addition to OCD i also appear to have traits that fill but not fully a broad spectrum of other psychiatric conditions so most doctors won't touch me with a 50 foot pole. fuckers.

the OCD thing however is getting worse and coupled with my panic disorder it makes for a lovely evening :P totally ruining relationships with family and friends due to my constantly being in and out of the ER for going completely psychotic over reactions to things.

currently on a slew of meds including clonazepam/klonopin, adderall, seroquel and wellbutrin. the only ones that really work are the benzo and the adderall which at least helps some of the noise in my head stop and lets me feel alive, and the clonazepam usually makes me too spaced out to care that i'm worrying myself sick.

i wish i could say that i'm going to have a happy ending but at this stage of the game (i'm 28) it doesn't look promising. I have a degree in medical anthropology, speciliazing in forensics and epidimiology, i graduated in the top 10 percentile of my university class...but right now i work partime in retail as its the only job that allows me the flexibility to see a therapist lest i self destruct which happens often enough when the stress of everything gets to be too much.

i hate how this disease keeps mutating on me. JUST when i think things are under control WHAM  something new comes along.

i have i suppose a form of BDD but its most probably just amplified OCD symptoms but regardess my life, is generally not fun.

in addition I have developed so they think crohn's disease which makes me sick AND crazy.

anyways. just felt like venting.

thanks for listening!


(8 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:January 29th, 2008 03:29 am (UTC)
Welcome! Glad to see someone posting here!

That sounds really terrible. Benzos have been good to me for my other anxiety symptoms, and the obsessional portion of my OCD, but... Well, so many of my compulsions happen below my consciousness that I engage in them for hours at a time *completely unaware that I'm doing it*. I completely understand being intelligent, told by some people even that you're brilliant, yet totally unable to do much with your brain's horsepower because the drive train is fucked.
[User Picture]
Date:January 29th, 2008 10:43 am (UTC)
Hey...I posted a while ago. >:/
[User Picture]
Date:January 29th, 2008 07:48 pm (UTC)
Yes, you did! But more activity is always good, too. ^^
Date:February 6th, 2008 06:23 am (UTC)
It really is good to know that there are other people who REALLY do know what you struggle with everyday. See along with all my other crap I have developed my mom's crazy fear of medications, so therefore I don't take them and suffer all the more. If it's anything other then over the counter head ache meds or cold meds then I wont take them. If I read the side effects before hand and actually take the meds then I make myself believe that all those side effects are happening to me ....it really sucks!
[User Picture]
Date:February 7th, 2008 05:08 am (UTC)
i can't remember when i got over the fear of pills, i think it was when i realized that nothing was working, and then suddenly all i could think about was the pills and when i could feel better (if they ever give you benzos JUST SAY NO god i'm so addicted now)
Date:February 7th, 2008 06:04 am (UTC)
I have taken several different meds for both my OCD and Bipolar problems..Like: Celexa, Valproic acid, Paxil CR, Prozac, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Buspar, Zyprexa, Trazodone, Seroquel, Abilify just to name a few and none have done anything or made me a zombie and made me lose my job a long time ago.. The only ones that have made any difference with my OCD were Paxil and Celexa but I became anti social and they made me have a flat effect all the time ..I had no expression or feelings one way or another towards anything which to me felt good for awhile but my kids and my husband suffered..not that they dont suffer anyway with my weirdness..Sometimes I feel guilty for being the way that I am and being a mother...I feel like they dont deserve to have to put up with all my crap ...(sigh)
[User Picture]
Date:July 19th, 2008 06:49 am (UTC)

Drugs and OCD

I have had it since I was 8 and I can tell you that the drugs make my life bearable but don't work otherwise. I wish we all thought about it in the way that we're being put with a label and that you need to stop thinking of yourself as an "OCD" person. You're a human being like anyone else.
Date:February 24th, 2009 04:51 pm (UTC)
Hi Christina!
I work at Pink Sneakers Productions and we are currently casting a new documentary series tentatively titled, “Life Chronicles”. Each episode documents the day-to-day lives of people sharing their amazing life experiences as they face exceptional challenges, such as yours, and cope with unique and frustrating situations with OCD.

Since you have been directly affected by OCD, you would be great for the show and I really hope you will consider being interviewed. This is a unique and sensitive topic which would be covered through a true,
documentary style format to inform and educate our viewers while
preserving respect for you. I really think you could enlighten our viewers about this difficult topic and help remove the stigma that's associated with it. Take some time to think about it, and if you would like to share your story please contact us at casting@pinksneakers.net or call the Life Chronicles casting department at 407.464.2080. Thank you!

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